We’ve all heard the adages “time heals,” “things will get better, or “it just takes time.” When dealing with the loss of a child, an only child, I might add, I sometimes asked if everything gets better with time?
Six years ago, today, I lost my only child to suicide. Lyssa showed no signs and did not leave any notes behind. As her mother, I still have more questions than answers. Each anniversary is different. Some are more solemn and sad, while others are filled with good memories, and I can get through the day without collapsing into a puddle of tears.
Why an anniversary series? For two reasons: First, we always remember our loved ones. This allows us to reflect and share memories of our loved ones that we hold dear to our hearts. For me, I have 20 years of memories. Lyssa’s cause of death does not define her entire life, nor does it negate the 20 years of memories we shared. I believe that it is important that we honor our loved ones and the memories we created.
Second, sharing helps us heal. I will admit that I am always a little apprehensive when her anniversary comes around. Not because I am dreading it. Simply because I never know how I am going to feel that day. For me, “every year It gets easier” is really not an accurate statement. Each year is just different. One truth that remains constant is that whenever I can share a memory of Lyssa, I feel uplifted.
Today, I could feel the sadness creeping in around mid-afternoon. Since I am still WFH, I decided not to take the day off. Last year, I made it to mid-morning. I talked about suppressing emotions in one of my other posts. I am not a trained professional, but I can tell you that suppressing one’s emotions only hurts you later on. I had a work-related question for my supervisor, so I called her, and surprisingly she remembered my daughter’s anniversary.
Before I knew it, I was sharing a memory with her about Lyssa. Next, I knew, we were both laughing at my memory of Lyssa, and the sadness which had crept in earlier had vanished only to be replaced by the joys I experienced in the moments of my memories. That simple sharing changed my mindset and set my day on a new path. I was grateful.
The rest of the day, I chose to spend it remembering the happy memories Lyssa, and I shared in her 20 years. As the anniversary of your loved one approaches, I encourage and challenge you to commit to spending the day honoring them in a new way. Will you share your anniversary stories with me?
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