Have you ever had one of those days where you feel as if you cannot catch your breath? Perhaps, not a single day. Maybe to you, it feels more like you have been holding your breath forever. Sometimes, that feeling comes in waves. There are good days and bad days. Days when hurt, pain, loss, grief, or anguish are further away from you. Other times, the waves move over you again and again until you are left gasping for air.
I think of whales. A whale can hold its breath on average for 60 minutes. Some species can last up to 90 minutes. One species, the Curved Beak whale, is known to hold its breath an average of 138 minutes. Whether 60, 90, or 138 minutes, one fact that is certain: a whale must surface and take a breath to live.
Sometimes, in our quest to get through the day, we may find ourselves holding our breaths. Holding in pain. Thinking that I can make it through today if I hold my breath long enough. The anguish that I feel inside would somehow lessen. And yes, it may feel like you are getting by. I know. I have been there. Holding my breath, masking the pain, became my quick fix for the inevitable waves that came to drown me in sorrow and despair. I learned that just like the whale; I have to surface and take a breath if I truly wanted to live in time.
How to rise to the surface: first, look up!
There are many ways to get to the surface. Some may use meditation, group therapy, counseling, support groups, talking to family, friends, and loved ones, and many more. All of these are helpful ways when an individual is in distress and finding it hard to cope. Yet, for my fellow breath-holders, the first step for you is the same as it was for me. Look up and find the surface.
Holding in pain, not acknowledging the hurt, grief, and despair does not lessen the pain. However, it may feel like it for a time. But that feeling is fleeting and often makes the next wave even more intense. I found that after I took the first step in acknowledging the pain, hurt, grief and despair when the waves came, I could look up and see a glimpse of the surface. The surface, it turns out, was a lot closer than I thought.
Learning How To Keep My eyes on the surface
When the waves came, I let it take me; instead of fighting against it and holding it in, I let it out. With each new wave, I could feel myself getting closer to the surface. The place where I no longer needed to mask my pain, hurt, grief, or despair—the place where I could finally catch my breath.
Some waves took me closer to the surface, while others seemed to drag me deeper and deeper into the depths of despair. However, no matter the size of the wave or the intensity of the undercurrent, I was determined. Setbacks? Sure. Nagging doubts that I would get there? Absolutely! Resolve to get there despite it all? No question. For I set my eyes on the surface, I was resolute!
Learning how to take the first breath: the surface
One day the wave came again. I knew that it was a wave because I felt it before. Though I never know beforehand its intensity, I can still tell that it is a wave by nature. However, this time was different. I did not brace myself; I let it in as I did before. I kept looking up toward the surface, and then it happened. I reached the surface and took my first deep breath. It felt like breathing for the first time. The first breath was deep, cool, and cleansing. Like the coolness of a winter’s morning after freshly fallen snow. Like that cool, cleansing autumn rain after a long hot summer.
The first breath was as long as it was deep. I knew that I finally reached the surface, and I wanted to stay in that moment forever. But I knew I could only hold onto that first breath for a time. The next breath came easier, and I realized that each breath I took at the surface brought me inner peace and healing.
taking deep breaths: how to keep looking to the surface
It may be easy to go back to old routines and wallow in the mire of pain and anguish. Getting to the surface and taking those deep cleansing healing breaths are well worth the effort. And just like the waves differ in intensity and duration. So too does the time it takes to get to the surface each time. The key is always to keep looking to the surface. Trust in the knowledge that when you surface, a long, deep, cleansing healing breath awaits.
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